3000 thoghts huh

You would never this someone could get put out three times in less then one year, well i am here and it has happened to me. And to be honest i didn't deserve it, yes i know EVERYONE say's that but i didn't, i was never home, never made a messed, and brought my own food and paid rent at the last place. So i ask you why would people me angels in the beginning and the devil once the door is close and the lights are off. I have to hear every day that i have come so far and yet people don't seem to understand that i am tired, and i don't mean physically tired, but mentally i am gone. I cant focus on anything any more my drive is gone because i am tired of working so hard to get no where. My entire life all i wanted was to live comfortable. Not to be rich but to be able to pay my bill, buy food for my home, be able to buy a car and a home and still have money in the bank once everything was taken care of. But these days i be happy just to have a dollar in my pocket, bank, or even under the bed. I know that stopping after coming so far would be the stupidest move i ever made in my life, but i have my eyes wide open and to be honest i don't see the future i see the right now and neither one of them has any glow of hope. I will not say that everyday of my life is bad, because it is not. I have good days i have a wonderful mother who is behind me 100%, wonderful friends who are my rock, my strength, just better to me then my own family, and a wonderful boyfriend who treats me like the queen i was born to be. But my biggest issue is School. I cant seem to get the hell out. I just want to finish fuck walking across a damn stage i don't need all that i just want my degree so i can get a job with benefits and be doing something in my field that i love. See i don't want a job i want a career. and yes i know i will have to get a job before i can get my career but that's what i want, need, and pray for everyday. U hear people walking around complaining about the stupidest shit and all the while getting everything they want. And all i want is my degree so i can pave my own way. I want to leave this earth having give back to people, helped people and f not people one person i want to touch someone like i have been helped by people in my lives. I am not the type to sit and complain and do nothing, i am out there looking for a job and trying to find ways to finish school. I know they say good things happened to those who wait. And trust me i have been waiting. But it seems like my doors are stuck and not going to open for a long time. Don't take this the wrong way and think i am just saying fuck life, because i am not i need to live so i can help as many people as i can. I just need to get my glow back, my light back that i once had. Some times i think that i have done something in my past and it was so bad that for the rest of my life i have to be punished for it. And other times i think i have not fallen far enough to get back up. I was told my a professor that we as humans have 3000 thoughts a day. And i believe that just to bad all my thoughts are about my life and getting out of this situation. It has gotten to a point that i don't even want to hang out with my friends any more because i feel as though i am holding them down. They all have jobs and making money and i cant go out with them cause i am the BROKE one and it sucks i want to have money i want to have a job, i want need my degree ASAP.