bipolar season

I have not blogged in a minute, and it is not becuase i dont want to, but becuase i didnt have to words to descibre the feelings i have been having every single day for the last 3 months. Of course bad things happends to people and i am not excused from that. But i got up on my feet and for the first time in a LONG time i woke up every day feeling happy. Now people who know me knows that it has been a long time since i have been really happy. I still cant explain why but then again i dont want to know why i just loved waking up happy, going thru my day happy. Then a storm came thru and it hit me hard, out of no where i found my self wanting the days to go by so i didnt have to be around people, or think about the things that were slowly creeping up on me. I felt the happiness just go away without even a good bye note. I prayed everyday for a gleamer of happiness to come back and of course it didnt, that stop stayed ontop of me like a mother beating her bad 8 year old child. Things seemed to be getting worst and dont think after reading this that things are back to where they need to be becuase they are not, the only thing that has changed in my equation of life is i have moved passed the storm of my happiness and it is back. I not longer want to walk around feeling like i am carring the world, becuase i cant change alot of things that happend in my life, but i can learn and grow from them. EVEN stiuations that i have no idea what i was suppose to learn from them i still dont let them get to me, becuase I know there is a bigger plan for me and right now is the time i put in the work and not the time i know what the plan is. I have come to far to turn back know, and to be honest i dont think i would be able to deal with life is i stopped now. This morning i seen a white woman on the bus and she had her things with her, so i already knew she was homeless, now normaly homeless people dont get a reaction out of me becuase i know how it feels to be homeless and living in a sheltar with your mom, but for some reason looking at this woman made tears come to my eyes becuase i she was looking for a soap kitchen to get something to eat but could not find it and i wanted to give her some money so bad and i could not becuase i need money to get back and fouth to school with and i dont even have money for myself to eat. But the bus driver gave her $5.00 and that woman statred to cry. I felt her pain for the rest of the drive. I dont know why and i cant explain it but she touch me in a way that no one else i have seen on the streets has. The lord puts things in your life to see how well you will handle the situation. I hope i am not failing him becuase i cant afford to let my self down.