thought central

He may not come when you want himm but he will be there right on time. I can honeslty say prayer works, but you cant just do it when you want something you have to do it all the time and i do i thank him everyday just for waking me up in the morning. Thigs are slowly looking up for me, this morning i receieved my almost there later tellin me as long as i pass these class this semaster and next then may 1 2011 i will be walking cross the stage and becoming a college graduate, and i cant wait. even though everything i want to happend may not be happening right now, they will work their self out. Then we have my family, lord is all i can say my mom is going back and fouth to the doctor and just recently had surgory. she is ok and back home but i can honeslty say i was scared, becuase my mother is my world i dont know what i would do without her. My cousins are gettin in trouble and this time it wasnt even my older cousin faut and yet the system cant see a black man is tryin to change they just see what he has done in the pass. I just pray everyday that he gets out and can really start his life. My friends are doing great even though they have a up and down himm battle , we all day it is called life, they are here for me just like i am there for them and i cant love them anymore then i alreay do. My classes are going good cant complain. But then we have this male in my life that is my friend and l like the fact that we are friends, but the more i get to know him the more i start to like him, and i am not like other females who say they like a male but cant say why i actually can list all the reasons why i like him. a persons personality can go a long way. but the funny thing is you might think i want a relationship and i dont i know i cant not handle one right now i have just started liking being alone and doing things by myself. dont get me wrong having a male there sometimes is enjoying but i want to really know me inside and out, i cant be with someone who i am tryin to really get to know and get to know my self to, that will not work so i am taking time to know who i am, what i want and what i dont want, and get things right so i can graudate. So i dont want a relationship right now but working towards one in the future would be nice i would love just to date for a while. all these things go thur my mind everyday along with school, class and just life in gerneral. I wish there was a ball i could rub that would give me some answeres so i know if i was on the right road. I dont want to invest my time in someone who is just like a season here today gone tomorrow. I cant be honest and say i have not had much look with males since my real ex boyfriend for 6 years, yea i have had many males that i thought were boyfriends and even called them that but at the end of the day they were just there to past the time and i know that is bad but after thinking about it, if it was as series as he and i thought we still would be together and were not, so for me to actually have feelings for this male like this is scare, yes i have had feelings for males before especially last year but it wasnt like this i light up when i get a call and or text, just the thought of getting to know him better makes me smile. Just hope i am not wasting my time with this. I hope and pray every thing for my classes go great and nuthing stops me from grauduating in May becuase this is a time that chould have been here but now that is is coming i cant be more happier. I just have to figure out what my next step will be. I know i should have already thought this out, but to be honest i really dont know what i want to do, go back to school to get my Ph.D or take a year off and work and save all my money. I just dont know and this is what scares me the most about grauduation, it is not the fact that the loans need to be repaid it is the fact of what do i do now that i am no longer in school. Where is my life now are the questions i am asking my self everyday. To be honest i dont think i am the only senior asking the same questions, about what i need to do and what i should do. Thoughts of a college senior......