one foot in and one foot out

I Just dont understand i have an issue but to me it is not an issue i dont like asking people for anything, yes it comes from people always using it over me, but i just cant do it, there is something in me that stops me even people that i know will never use it againt me i still can ask them. i dont even like asking my mother for anything. and know here it is my senior year and xmas time has come around and i dont have money to go home. so instead of asking gregory (like a dad) i will stay here. i know that is wrong but i just cant keep calling him asking him for money. it hurts that i cant do anything for hime but here i am always need something for him. No one told me to go to college this was a choice i made on my own, and i know that but i wish i would have known what i was getting in to before i applied never having any money nor food just nothaving always looking at people have. now dont get me wrong i have a wonderful mom who has bust her ass to get me what i need and want. but i am tired of just making it, which is the reason why i want to make something of myslef so i never have to feel this feeling ever again. and even if i do have chilren i dont want them to feel like i feel know. no i will not spoil them but i dont want people espeically children to feel this way.