Did you think i was fucking stupid

I am not the prettiest female walking around, but damn why do niggas think that i am fucking stupid. Yes we have had sex, but dont think that just becuase we have had sex more then 2 or three times that you little kid games are going to work on me. I hate niggas that feel as though they have to lie and play in order to get a female. I dont know about any other female but i think NO, a matter a fact i know that i am real and i will tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. i will be the lady in the streets and the freak in the sheets. i have a good head on my shoulder, i go after what i want and let nothing or no one stop me. But istead of that niggas want the hoes in the street and in the sheets. I will never understand. And dont get it twisted this is not becuase i think i need a male in my life becuase i dont i really dont, but i am just tired of niggas thinking they can lie and it will be ok in my book, becuase i sorry it will not be at all. I thought i wanted a relationship with a male, but after he lied and fucked a ho i no longer seen him as a male i wanted in my life. Yes like the ass i am i still talked to him as a friend, and not i feel like the ass and i dont like that feeling. I just need to get this out.

things i cant tell people

This weekend was an eventful one, I relaize something about my self, i have become a home body and i never use to be this way. I dont have a life at all. I use to love going out with my friends and hanging out with males i was talking to. But now i dont do anything besides go to clas, look for a job, and go home. What life is that i use to make fun of my mother for always being in the house and now look at me, I have become her and i dont like it, dont get me wrong i love my mother but i dont want to be a house body. Now we have Mr. D, i have had my eye on him since last semaster but of cousre me being me i never did anything about it, but Friday he came back around and sit with me until my friends came to the resturant. We had a good conversation, and Saturday we were going to go out, but couldnt find a place to go, so we just stayed on the phone for 2 hours talking about stupid shyt, I had a good conversation with him, it felt nice cuz i was tired of talkin to niggas that had sex on the brain 24/7 and had no real conversation becuase they were letting there dick think for them. I was talking to tiffany Sat night and told her things i havent even told my best friend yet, things like i dont feel as though i need to keep talkin to the males i talk to because nothing is going to come out of them, and im glad becuase two of them i already had a relaionship with and i dont want to go back down that road ever again. And then the "Fuck-up" (as tiff calls him) is no longer keeping my attention the was he use to, and yes i stared feeling like this after he fucked up and instead of leaving him alone i just couldnt stay away from the dick. And yes i kno that is bad and i need to stop before i catch feelings again but the sex is so good i cant help my self, and i have no body to blame but my self. Then we have MR. D i just dont know about him, i told him i was intrested and we talked and talked but were on the same page when it comes to relationships which is a good thing we both feel like if it happends with some one then it will happend, but if not it is not the end of the world like some girls feel like. Now on to what i really want to get out. My mother is liein to me becuase i kno something is wrong with her and she will not tell me becuase according to her i have enough stress and i dont need more, but her not telling me is making me stress even more. I want to make it on my on and stand on my own to feet, but at the same time i want to go home and just lay next to my mom and talk like i use to do when i was little. But of course who am i going to tell this, no body will really understand the feeling i have right now. Its a shame becuase when i was young all i wanted to be was grown, and now that time has finally given me what i was always asking for, all i want to do is go back to the years when life was so simple, no bills, no stress , and no drama. But of course i can go backwards and i have to deal with what ever life throws my way.

good to bad in 60sec

The day started out ok, woke up with a smile on my face, came to school on time,went to class, and played outside with the rest of the losers i go to school with. so It then comes down to things starting to go on. brittany from the softball team lost her phone and i had it so i had to get in connect with her which was no issue cuzx i would want someone to do that for me. Then i was on the phone with my mother and she asked about nette, and i told her ididnt kno where she was ad i dont care, and as soon as isaid that i seen her, of course my mther told me to speak but im not going to,becuase she wasnt a real friend to me and i refuse to say anything to a fake ass person. Then of course i see who else Jasmine the (light skin want a bee) she of course pretended like she didnt see me and of course my stupid ass lughed becuase i just dont care anymore about anything. Now we come to why i just got upset. Im in the lab, doing my work for class and the damn comp decideds it wants to put in my work and save it, and now i had to start over 3 times and i refuse to do anymore today, i will do it all tomorrow. Now other then that my day has been good. it is a nice day outside and i feel great. Oh before i forget, Dominique brought me jeans and i hope they fit cuz im wearing them tomorrow if they do. No lets start with my emotions for today, i feel as though people are getting bigger or tryin to get bigger then what ther really are, and they need to chill the fuck out for real, Just becuase a nigga fucks you once or twice dont mean that he want to be ur man, and just cuz u think im fucking him dont mean u need to start looking at me fuckin sideways. And to the niggas please pull ur fuckin pants up and stop thinkin that all females want to fuck you, here is a NEWS FLASH we dont.

Ha Ha Ha

What can life bring me? The question i was stupid enough to ask my self or some strange reason. Over the course of one week i have moved with Tiffany (Rent Free) (real friend), seen MS.Smith Cousin at target and got told by my ex, that basically he lied to me and he is not shit. So Again I have asked my self a question that i really didnt want to know the answers to, but yet and still i found out the hard way. I would be a fool to say that i didnt have people in my life i could not count on, becuase that is not tru. Yes it is not the many but they when they do help, you would think it was more then just the few i call family. Lets start at home my mother. She is what people would call the love you and kill you type. She dont play no games and will love you while she is telling you about your self. My mother goes above for me she makes sure i have food and money even when she dont. What more can i ask for from a mother. The we have Amber she has been my friend since 10th grade, yes we have had our disagreements about stuid things but i would not tride her for the world. She helps me when she cant help her self, when im down i can call on her becuase she not only will listen, but tell me im stupid if need be. Now lets come to NC, Erica my ride or die friend, she is my amber in NC no matter what i need, time of the day i know i can call on her and she is right there. Paige a friend that came in a form i would have never guessed, to be young she acts more grown then alot of people i know, and knows how to carry her self no matter the situation. Liesha she is the "bitch" friend, now dont take that the wrong way, she is also a ride or die friend, but she is a friend you can call on for certain things, like all my friends and of course i cant forget thomas, he is my friend that should have been my brother but came as mt best friend i can tell him EVERYTHING things i cant tell my females bestfriends i know i can tell him and he will tell me what he thinks and could care less if he hurts my feelings. i know i can call on eachof them for different reasons, and thats why i love them. There is alot of people that i didnt include in that section, and it is not becuase im being a bitch but becuase i just dont look at you as a person that i can call a friend. I cant call you a friend if i dont really bang with you like that, or you have shitted on me in situations where you needed to stand up and be a friend. Now i do have some people inmy life that are not as close to me, but will be there when they can. Aleix (mini woman) Jasmine(Ms. Doren). Jeremy (alchy) Tiffany (but she has entered the friend zone) Kita ( there when i need her to talk about things im goign thru) rita( good friend just to talk to about life). But if i was to damn people that had made my shit list i would be writing for days. No i dont hold grudges but i do know who i can and cant depand on for anything,(not even air). This year even though it is not over has taught me so much about the real world that being scared to enter it will never happend to me, becuase looking at it i was thrown into it. Dont get me wrong i would not change anything, becuase it is my downs that will make sure i stay up in my goals, and dreams for my life. All the people that wish nothing but bad look on me i want to THANK YOU becuase of you i know i will and can do my best to shut you up. So to the pass week i have had all i can say is HA HA HA. may life bring me more challenges that i will face with a smile.

Random

The first thing that ever comes to my mind lately is, when is the sun going to shine again, and i dont mean in the sky i mean in my life. Now dont get me wrong alot of people are going thru issues bigger and smaller then mine, and i would never think that my issues out tops anybody, becuase they dont. But here lately i just dont kno anymore. If it is not one thing it is another. So lets start with the beginning of the year (2010). Every one knows that the people you chill with and call friends, will not always be there till the end. And dont call me stupid and say "you should have known that at the agw of 22" but i just would have never thought i would see people dropping like flies. Around the third of January i got what all college students get, the letter that says how much you need to bring back to school. Well i dont know about anybody else but things at home are HARD right now. and schools, bills, not jobs seem to care, or take that into consideration. So my school Saint Augustines College wanted $7,000 from me, and they wanted it all on the 12th of January. Now i dont know about anybody else but that a LOT of money, money me nor my mother had. So i did when any college student would do i got on a plane, came to school and prayed. But when i got here it seemed as though NOBODY could help me and i was looking at the fact that i had to go back to Maryland and not finish school. (sad face). But then a "friend" had an idea for me to ask a female who i stop talking to for a faver. Now people yall dont know me, but i dont like feeling like a charity case but i had to do what i had to do in order to stay in school. So i put my face in between my ass and asked jasmine could i stay with her until the end of the semaster. After the monkey left the room she said yes. So time goes on and i move in and im going to school, mind you i dont have money to eat, nor money to get back and fourth to school, but god makes a way. So towards the end of the best month in the year Feb. shit starts to go wrong. First she starts to take her purse in the room with her at night like im going to steal shyt, then she burns her kitchen floor with a pizza box and wants me to help her pay for it, even though i wasnt there, and it was her fault. So about a week goes by and my mom has already talk to her about her not getting money for her floor becuase it was her fault, jasmine decides she wants to now tell her father im staying there and that im the cause of her floor looking like it does. So of course her daddy has no idea im there and wants me to get out on a saturday at 10:00 pm. So to not cause a seen and beat her the fuck up even though thats all i could think about doing, i packed and left. Now thats just what happend in two months. Now im in school with no job becuase it is so hard to find one with no car, no food, and no one i can really trust. I have females smileing in my face and wishing i was died behind my back, i have males thinking im so damn stupid and trying to play the feild, even though i have been hip to the game since the beginning of 2009. And i have a mother at home that is sick as hell and still trying to take care of me even though there i no lights on in my house, no hot water, and i just found out today that the roof caved in today in my room, which by the way we have no money to fix any of these things. All of this going on right now, me being homeless, dont know where my next meal is comming from, and stress on top of stress, and yet people on this campus still want me to walk around with a smile on my face when all i want to do is die. People dont understand that i cant smile any more, i push laughter out, and i make my self go to class every day, becuase all i want to do i crawl inside a black hole and hide from the world. Im tired of people thinking they know me, when all they know is of me.