Random

The first thing that ever comes to my mind lately is, when is the sun going to shine again, and i dont mean in the sky i mean in my life. Now dont get me wrong alot of people are going thru issues bigger and smaller then mine, and i would never think that my issues out tops anybody, becuase they dont. But here lately i just dont kno anymore. If it is not one thing it is another. So lets start with the beginning of the year (2010). Every one knows that the people you chill with and call friends, will not always be there till the end. And dont call me stupid and say "you should have known that at the agw of 22" but i just would have never thought i would see people dropping like flies. Around the third of January i got what all college students get, the letter that says how much you need to bring back to school. Well i dont know about anybody else but things at home are HARD right now. and schools, bills, not jobs seem to care, or take that into consideration. So my school Saint Augustines College wanted $7,000 from me, and they wanted it all on the 12th of January. Now i dont know about anybody else but that a LOT of money, money me nor my mother had. So i did when any college student would do i got on a plane, came to school and prayed. But when i got here it seemed as though NOBODY could help me and i was looking at the fact that i had to go back to Maryland and not finish school. (sad face). But then a "friend" had an idea for me to ask a female who i stop talking to for a faver. Now people yall dont know me, but i dont like feeling like a charity case but i had to do what i had to do in order to stay in school. So i put my face in between my ass and asked jasmine could i stay with her until the end of the semaster. After the monkey left the room she said yes. So time goes on and i move in and im going to school, mind you i dont have money to eat, nor money to get back and fourth to school, but god makes a way. So towards the end of the best month in the year Feb. shit starts to go wrong. First she starts to take her purse in the room with her at night like im going to steal shyt, then she burns her kitchen floor with a pizza box and wants me to help her pay for it, even though i wasnt there, and it was her fault. So about a week goes by and my mom has already talk to her about her not getting money for her floor becuase it was her fault, jasmine decides she wants to now tell her father im staying there and that im the cause of her floor looking like it does. So of course her daddy has no idea im there and wants me to get out on a saturday at 10:00 pm. So to not cause a seen and beat her the fuck up even though thats all i could think about doing, i packed and left. Now thats just what happend in two months. Now im in school with no job becuase it is so hard to find one with no car, no food, and no one i can really trust. I have females smileing in my face and wishing i was died behind my back, i have males thinking im so damn stupid and trying to play the feild, even though i have been hip to the game since the beginning of 2009. And i have a mother at home that is sick as hell and still trying to take care of me even though there i no lights on in my house, no hot water, and i just found out today that the roof caved in today in my room, which by the way we have no money to fix any of these things. All of this going on right now, me being homeless, dont know where my next meal is comming from, and stress on top of stress, and yet people on this campus still want me to walk around with a smile on my face when all i want to do is die. People dont understand that i cant smile any more, i push laughter out, and i make my self go to class every day, becuase all i want to do i crawl inside a black hole and hide from the world. Im tired of people thinking they know me, when all they know is of me.