Who am I

Over the past four years i have been trying to figure out the person that i am. And to be honest i have yet to figure out who i am. I want to do so much, but i cant becuase of this stupid thing we humans call fear. It is so funny to me becuase growing up i was the tomboy that played with the boys, and tried so hard not to be the "popular girl". I know thats funny becuase alot of people like to be in the in crowd, but i was never like that. I loved to be the person that stayed out of the lime light. I never wanted to be involoved with the drama i seen so many of my friends in. Thats another thing that was funny i was never the one in the in corwd, but i knew them and was cool with some of them. I dont know whats wrong with me, i never wanted to be just the tomboy that got along with people, i wanted to step outside of my comfort zone and do things i had never did before. To this day i want to do things i never would see my self doing, and yet i just cant find the courage to do it. When i say do things, i dont mean just thr girly things, but things like doing poetry in front of people, doing pagents that way i can open more doors for myself, learning how to do y on hair(yes i dont know how). So many things i wanted to do and i have not, i feel as though i have missed out on so many things in my life and im never going to be able to get my life back. Sitting here writing this is making me think more about when I get older am i still going to be afriad to go after my dreams? Will i have a job that i will love and not a job i just have to do in order to make money? Will i find some one to love while i have a career? all these questions scare me becuase i honeslty dont see me saying yes to any of them. Dont get me wrong I want these things to happend for me but I dont see them happening for me. I walk outside evryday hoping i will do something outside of comfort zone and everynight i know i havent. I go to sleep everynight thinking about what i want to do with my life and how things would be different if i grew up not being afraid to do things and not being afriad to open up to people and let them in. I use to think it was people judging me that would scare me and was the reason i never did anything, but it is not other people judging me, it is me doing it to myself. I am my own worst enemy. i am the one telling myself i am ugly and no one will ever want you as a girlfriend, im telling myself that i will never be able to get a 3.5 in college becuase i am not smart enough. all the things i think people are saying about me i am actually saying them about my self. So now i still sit and ask my self Who Am I?